For those who "feel" it all
When my kids were little and I had to travel, they gave me one of those little gel toys that you get in the quarter plastic egg machines and said to me, “Here, mommy, take this with you and it will make you think of us when you’re gone.” I teared up and said, “I will be thinking of you all the time.”
We called it the “think about it.” It was orange and looked like a nerve that you would have learned about in science class. It had lots of little arms and legs that stuck out with what seemed like little suction cup hands at the end. The arms and legs were wobbly and octopus-like.
I carried him in my make-up bag when I traveled for a long, long time. I went to find him the other day and I couldn't find him, which made me sad, but the image of that little “think about it” has been on my mind.
l’ve joked to friends that I often feel like a nerve walking around in this world, like that “think about it. A nerve with its little arms and legs flopping around feeling everything. I often feel the pain and suffering of people around me. I also feel all the beauty and awe, especially when I’m in nature. I feel extra hot and extra cold. I feel deep sadness for those less fortunate than me and deep gratitude toward my children when I see them growing and learning. Most of the time, I am overwhelmed by all of these feelings, especially in the current world of polarization, information overload, anxiety and fear about the future. It is truly the definition of “all the feels.”
For those of us that have all these feelings or as I now know are highly sensitive, walking around in this world every day can be hard and A LOT. Some days curling up in a ball sounds like the best option, but as big feelers with lots of empathy, we have important jobs, roles in our families, and are great at helping others. Many of us are great artists and change people’s lives with our work. We just have to remember to help ourselves, too.
Personally, I have tried about every possible thing you can think of to help myself. Initially, I wanted to feel less, but now, I know that is not possible. Now, I know I can’t feel less, I just have to know how to manage all the feelings. I’ve tried positive outlets such as meditation, mindfulness, talk therapy, exercise, sleep and not so positive outlets like emotional eating, drinking, or other numbing. As you can imagine, the negative and numbing items don’t work as well for me or anyone around me. I have found that Internal Family Systems therapy has been game changing for me. That’s for another time, but no practice works unless I am consistent, and when I am overwhelmed and alone, it’s hard.
So what’s my point?
It’s ok to feel a lot. You are not alone. I wish there was a way to acknowledge each other out there in the world. I’m starting to wonder if we need our own friendship bracelets that show we are in this together. Swifty style. If nothing else, we could give each other a knowing nod, high five our little nerve suction cup hands, and share a knowing smile.
There are ways to manage the overwhelming feelings. You are not alone. You just need to find the best way for you. What have you tried? What works best for you? Share in the comments.
I just know that I am not alone, there are others like me out there, and by writing this here, I believe we can build a trusted, supportive community. A place to gather and commiserate. To be there for each other and to bear witness to the hard.
Actually, I think many of us have “think about its” in us, some are just overly productive. They can overwhelm us, and yet they make us the most empathetic, smart, creative, passionate, life-giving people in the world.
I thank all of you big feelers and I hope you will share your story. And PLEASE share this with other big feelers in your life. I’d love them to join us here.